Relationships; we all have them. Mother. Father. Daughter. Son. Parents. In-laws. Husband. Wife. Children. Friends. Co-workers. Employees. Bosses. Customers. And more.
These relationships can be positive or negative - or complex!
When you have a chronic illness, you need healthy relationships! You need people around you who are supportive and understanding. Folks who can help you remember your treatment and can take you to appointment. Someone who will share your joys and your successes - and your struggles and your failures.
Sometimes family members can fulfill these roles and sometimes friends can help out. No matter the connection, you need people in your life who bring blessings.
However, you may be alone. If so, a great idea is to get a personal life coach or a health coach. If you need a driver, try Uber driver. Pets make awesome companions. Churches should be able to help out. There are lots of options!
But, what if you have toxic relationships? Folks who tear you down
rather than build you up. Relatives who do not believe that you are
sick - just think that you are crazy. Spouses who become emotionally
distant to you because they cannot handle your illness. People who
cause constant stress in your life. And then there may be the narcissists - either covert or overt - who are gaslighting you.
These folks have got to go and must leave your life. Believe it or not, these types of unhealthy relationships can even cause a type of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) especially if they are repetitive and chronic.
A subset of PTSD is called PTSD of abandonment or complex PTSD (C-PTSD). When significant people around you should have a positive influence, but instead repetitively cause a negative reaction, you can feel rejected and abandoned. You may have had a primary trigger early in life and now a secondary trigger is complicating your existence. And the emotional trauma does not need to be major by society's standards; it just needs to be significant for you.
When exposed to constant emotional trauma, your body develops a state of hypervigilence while deciding whether to fight, flee or freeze. This stress response impairs your immune system - and your health. You will not fully get well until the toxic relationship(s) and the PTSD are addressed and treated.
You must remove yourself from toxic relationships that are triggering your PTSD. You can not stay in the relationship and hope your stress response gets better. It will not. If you are drowning in the deep end of the pool, you do not stay there and hope to learn to swim. No! You get out, dry yourself off, and go to the shallow end and take swimming lessons. So, you must stop the stress response by severing the triggering relationship whether it be a spouse, parent, friend, or boss.
Therapy is often necessary. Work on personal development and stress management. Rewrite the script of your life. It is never too late to start over.
If you are married to a narcissist or if your parents are narcissists or codependents, then I highly suggest Lisa A. Romano The Breakthrough Life Coach. She can help you through various ways.
develop healthy relationships with others. Find friends who share
common interests. By surrounding yourself with positive relationships,
your health will be restored and your life will be filled with joy.
Yes, it is possible to restore a previously toxic relationship IF you and the other person really work on the problem separately at first and then gradually and incrementally together. You cannot do it yourself.
But you can take the first step...
be thy medicine,
be thy food.
is a lamp
to my feet
and a light
to my path.
The secret of health
for both mind and body
is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future,
or anticipate troubles,
but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.